It’s been a while since my last mother-daughter talk, and to be perfectly honest, I really wanted to get to know her better, but my irrational embarrassment of being momma’s girl got the best of me (cut me some slack, I’m a teenager after all). So I was really grateful that this homework had given me the chance to shorten the gap between 2 different generations without getting awkward(yes there is a hint of sarcasm in the previous sentence). My mother, a 53-year-old optometrist has recently sat down with me for a 1 hour interview full of memories,trust and most importantly-goofiness. Now, let the talking begin!
1/What was life like for you when you were a teenager?
My family was a typical pre-1975 one, that’s it, except for the fact that my dad had passed away 6 months before I was born. We were underprivileged, well not begging-for-food-on-the-street-poor, but still, it was a struggle for my mom to raise 8 children. The income of my family relied entirely on my 2 sisters who were teachers at the time. So you see, not only that there was a limited variety of entertainment in the countryside in the 60’s, we also couldn’t afford any sort of it whatsoever. Therefore, my life was a monotonous purgatory, with the same routine every single day: school in the morning, chores in the afternoon and homework in the evening. I’m surprised I even made it through alive. But I remember my neighbor had a radio, and that was the only one on my block. Every night, people would gather round and listen to traditional music on it. Yes my childhood was boring, but I had formed a strong bond with my neighbor, which is something I think has lost these days
Generation bond
2/I know this period of life was agonizingly complicated when you were reaching adulthood,yet you were not mature enough, so you kind of felt like you didn’t belong to anywhere. How did you cope with the situation? Did you struggle to prove yourself? Did you have any changes emotionally?
To my intense surprise, I took it quite well,no rebellion nor crisis. Instead, my awareness was improved. I understood that we were not rich, so I started saving and learned to be reasonable about my needs. But I didn’t blame poverty for my misfortune, because it was in fact the momentum that triggered my self-esteem and led me to believe education is the key to success, which, by the way, is something you should tattoo across your mind, young lady
I know, I know, you told that like, a zillion times already. But that’s it? No insecurities and stuff? You know I’m not buying it mom
Oh now that you mention it, I did seriously freak out when I was about 16 or 17. My friends started dating and not once did a boy ask me out. I felt left out and ashamed, wondering was I that ugly, unattractive or worst of all, pathetic. But you know what, it turned out that all the boys in school were intimidated by my grades and dare I say it, beauty.
*raises an eyebrow*
Hey that wasn’t self-acclaimed, the boys said it themselves! And for the record, your mother was the best student in the school for 12 years in a roll, and I have the papers to prove it.
3/Okay okay I get it, but why didn’t you spare some of your intelligence for your daughter? Anyway, friendship is gradually changing as time passes by, and personally I think it has lost its meaning. But how was your friendship? Was it different from ours?
I don’t know what you and your pack of evil do nowadays, but back in the days we had a really healthy friendship. We often talked about random stuff, ranging from gossips to our deepest inner feelings. And like most teenage girls, we loved goofing off at school, especially teasing the male teachers fresh from university. They were just about 22 when they graduated, and us high school girls were almost 18. 4 years in between were merely a significant difference, so they were just like brothers to us. And what do you and your brothers do?
We tease each other until one can’t hold it in anymore and snaps
Exactly. The teachers literally got battered, and as a result, one of the two things would happen: either they blushed crimson that I was afraid their veins could burst, or we found ourselves drinking tea in the principal’s office. Good times good times. Oh and by the way, please don’t lose faith in friendship dear, just because one drop of water is dirty doesn’t make the ocean so.
4/ I’ll try to bear that in mind. This is kind of awkward, asking my mother about romantic relationships. But be honest with me, did you feel something towards the opposite sex? I know I do
Of course each and every one of us has to go through a stage that kind of feels like our emotion strings are being pulled in different directions. “Mood swing”, is that what people call these days? So I was no exception. One minute I was floating outside the window, dreaming about the cute senior, then the next I was grossed out by boys and their immature actions. Like many other girls, I dreamed about my prince charming, got sad for no reason, and got butterflies when I saw the boy I liked
Really?I thought the only guy you ever noticed was dad
*chuckles* No, there was a marine that lived next door. Back then I got a thing for men in uniform, not only that they looked stunning, but they also had an aura that was indescribably attractive. So everyday as I passed his house to get a newspaper for my brother, I stole glances at him, and guess what, he smiled back at me every time.
5/Sounds like you were pretty mature for people your age. Was your future determined, or were you still figuring it out just like other teenagers?
My decisions in life shifted like a psychic’s blurry visions. When I was in primary school, I actually thought the only job I could do was to beg for food on the street with my mom, and I seriously considered turning that possibility into reality. Middle school was when I wanted to be a teacher, just for the sake of acting all superior. Then when I was in grade 10, which was exactly your age now, my dream was to become a geologist. Only after months of persuading, convincing and forcing from my brother did I apply for medical school and ended up being an optometrist as I am now. So you see, even when you think you’ve made your choice, it’s still unsettled. Regardless the consequences, it’s your choice, you have to be responsible for it.
6/What factors do you think influenced your major decisions in life? Did you feel unsure or insecure whenever you made your choice?
Well I have two huge decisions and I’ve already chosen them. One is the man I get to spend eternity with, in other words, you dad. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d set my standards straight: same view about life, faithful, have a decent job… I guess my mom raised me that way, and the influence was so strong that it affected my taste in men. If I were born in a family which adores money, I’d have different way of thinking and would want a wealthy man as my husband. Society is another important factor where it comes to making choices. At the time, freelance workers didn’t have any respect from the community, no matter how much money they made a month. Given that, I instinctively avoided choosing them. Then I had a profession decision. Again, two factors that influenced me to pursuit a career in medicine were family and society. It was my brother who talked me into it and the society which manipulated my perspective. In the end, it was still me who made the decisions, not based on pure instinct of course, but they were affected by my surroundings.
7/ What do you think about teenagers nowadays? And please don’t call us satans, I get that a lot
Obviously the person that called my daughter “satan” doesn’t have a good sense of direction *points down and then up*.Where were we? Oh. Due to the drastic changes in entertainment, communication and the society recently, an impact on the youth is inevitable. However, there are always two sides to look at when you analyze an issue. First, I have to admit that teenagers are now really energetic, passionate and open-minded. They are willing to take risks without hesitation, which more often than not turns out to be stupid. They have their freedom of speech and know how to use it wisely. They communicate better, using the internet as a link to bond with the world and as a huge anti-boredom library. The world is practically in their hands. But with great power comes great responsibility, and unfortunately, teenagers are after all just big-boned kids. Unlimited access to the internet is a two-bladed knife. I can already see the positive effects that it brings, but at the same time the scars it leaves on teenagers’ bodies are disturbingly obvious. Let’s start with the easy ones, shall we? Distraction. The internet is the master of distraction, what with all the tempting gossips, the latest news and the social networks…
*flinches*
… of which my girl is a victim. Take some time off from Facebook dear, I’m serious. Then we have pornography, which spills ink all over our blank papers and messes us up. I think the most crucial difference is that teenagers now know the power of money. I’m not saying it is a bad thing because it is not, but there is a flip side to it too. Wealthy teenagers rely too much on their parents, but instead of being grateful, they act as if money can buy them anything, and eventually a whole new pragmatic generation will be born.That is something I find horrifying, because at this age all you’re supposed to do is act your age, enjoy every moment of this wonderful period of life, and study your butts off. That way, you won’t cross your country’s moral line, won’t waste your youth and most importantly, 50 years from now, when you retire from your favorite job and look back with hindsight, you can proudly say “Yeah, I’ve lived quite a life”
Kushina Tran 